Anyone who has been sick with even the flu before, can tell you that when you are sick, after a few days, things blur together.
You lose sleep, weight, and time.

Suddenly, it’s been weeks, months, and you realize you have forgotten what it’s like to breathe deep.

What it’s like to lie still and not want to scream out loud, for even just a moment.
You forget everything and what it’s like to live, and you start to pray for death.
All the time.
It hurts to blink, yet your eyes won’t stay shut, and sleep won’t come.

Memories you thought you had forgotten about, come back to haunt you.
The worst of the worst comes up from the dark with insane detail.
It feels real, like it’s happening whenever you shut your eyes.
You feel shocked by the evil of it all.
You buried it long ago, so deep, so that you could try to deny it was still there.

Moaning constantly to keep the screams inside your chest.
Pain rips through your gut.
Convinced a hand is reaching inside you, twisting and pulling, until they pull a piece out.
You look down to check, so sure there must be a part of you missing.
You feel there should be a hole right through you.

That’s when your sanity starts to slip; things don’t make sense, and you can’t function.
It feels it will never end, and you are absolutely convinced at the time it won’t.
How could it?

Then one day you just have a day, a moment even, of relief.
And I swear that moment feels like heaven.
Your chest can breathe deeply again.

The weight on your head eases and you can see again, because before it was a fog that you were grasping at.

A stillness comes over you, and it feels like God.

You haven’t felt this still in what seems like forever.
And you remember, this is what it’s like to feel, to live.
How could you have forgotten this?
Yet, next time, somehow you forget again.
So you hold onto it for as long as you can and take it as gold.
Until the next time.

Everything feels endless when we are in it, but everything is actually temporary.
Everything.
Remember that next time you are having a hard time or at a low moment.
It will end, and the pain will ease.
Nothing remains the same forever.
Even the things we want to.
It just doesn’t.