They are tired of hearing me talk.
About the things I never spoke of before most of all.
Not realizing or remembering it was them who asked me about it, to talk about the darkness.
Once I let it out, I thought it helped.
It was burning inside my chest and inside my soul.

At first, it did help.

But then it didn’t.
Because they weren’t the right people to open up to.
It was all used to put me in a box.
To label and define me.
For them to feel superior, in some way.

But I am learning who the right people are.

Uninformed advice, never asked for, never wanted, came out of their mouths at every chance they deemed fit.
Not seeing beyond their own need to hear themselves speak.
Ignorance and condescension dripping from their every word.

I just need to shut up.
Tell them it’s fine. That I’m fine.
Like I used to.
And just focus on surviving this.
On staying alive.
Exhaustion that feels like it’s a part of every cell in my body weighs so heavy.
It feels pain is destroying my sanity at times.

Scaring me.

I don’t have it in me to try to show them they are wrong.
It would be pointless.

 I’ve tried.
To them, they aren’t wrong.

Well, not when it comes to me, it seems.
Or at least, they won’t admit when they are.

I don’t have anything to prove.

Some people choose, time and time again, to see me through their cloudy and damaged lens.
To not take the time to actually listen.
To hear how they speak.
To see how they come across.
Do they even hear the shit that comes out of their mouths?
To them, I know nothing and am naive about most things.

I should have just kept my mouth shut.
Stayed silent like before.
But I’ve come to realize that I’m okay with their faulty perception of me.
Because they don’t truly know me.
And the ones who do, the ones who want to, have shown me that.
In turn, I’ve been capable of getting to know them better as well.

At least some good came out of all this.
That is something I’m grateful for.
It’s truly all I have ever wanted and hoped for.

Thank God for silver linings.
Especially the ones you didn’t expect or see coming.