The pain makes me feel
    trapped,
and I want to scream.

    I want to claw and scratch my way
    out of my body
    to escape it.
But I’m imprisoned within,
    forever.

A terror,
an absolute panic,
    wells up in my chest
    knowing there’s no way out.

There is no room
    to just live
with this oppressive
    and torturous monster
in my body.

A monster that wraps
    barbed wire
around my vertebrae
    and my intestines.
It taunts me
    with all I can’t do.

The pain comes in waves,
    swelling, crashing,
    then lingering.

Then suddenly constant
    and so sharp
it takes my breath away.

With shallow breath,
it brings absolute desperation with it.
They join,
    and they tear me apart.

Words
    will never
        do it justice.

It is
    madness,
and I’m not okay.

I’m not okay,
    and I want to flee.

Yet there is nothing I can think to do
except
    cut and burn my skin
        to the bone
in a vain attempt
    to kill
this ever-present,
    internal,
    invisible,
    traumatic,
    wretched
    fuck
    of a pain.